90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
