a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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