If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
