I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
