Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
