I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
