The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
