just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
