I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
