Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
