so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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