She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize