you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
