Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I faked an abortion last night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
