We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
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I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
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As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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