but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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