why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
