I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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