There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i drank out of a bidet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
