Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
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I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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