I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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