Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize