this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
