soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
