girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
