the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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