even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize