I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well I just put wine in my tea
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
