he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
