Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
