i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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