Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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