it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
