I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've blown a few things in my day
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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