Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
