so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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