He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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