it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
