By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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