I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize