; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
