she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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