OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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