I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
