Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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