Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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