I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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