Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
