At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
