I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize