look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO