i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
