..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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