You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
