wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
