I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
