party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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