Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
