Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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