Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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