Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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